He was right. Leaving him had not affected her as much as she had expected it to. She recalled their last encounter, how he had exclaimed with great indignation, that she had become so used to walking in and out of people’s lives and that this would most likely not rock her boat. To be honest, at first she had been profoundly distressed by the lash back, but after giving it some thought, she had come to the realization that he had indeed been right. It has become a habit of hers to set the stage for a grand performance, get the crowd reeled in and excited for what is to come and to walk out when the show got started, leaving nothing but chaos in her wake. It had never been her intention to do so; having been so used to the process it had now become somewhat of her second nature. It was her method of retaining control and saving herself; A defense mechanism of the sort. She could not ease the panic that settled in when she felt that someone was getting too close, that someone was bordering the fringes of her true personality. It didn’t suit her; companionship that is. At least that is what she told herself. Walking away was the best solution. Why fight a losing battle? For indeed she was fighting a battle against herself. She could not bring herself to push past the anxieties and the fears. It was best she walked away.
excerpt from a book i’ll never write