Out with the old, In with the new

I’m cutting off all the toxic things from my life.

I’m extracting this illness from my soul.

I’m brushing away at all the dusty corners of my mind.

I’m clearing past the grey veil that surrounds my heart.

I’m opening myself up for something better,

For I’m sure that even I deserve that.

It’s me before the rest,

I hope you understand that.

I choose me above anything else.

You see,

There is more to me than the skin I take shelter in,

And there is more to me than my faults and torn up edges.

Why couldn’t you see that?

Why can’t I see that?

 

Watch me,

As let go of what use to be

and make space for what

would eventually become.

Where it all Began

Major Throwback to one of the first poems I wrote in 2014. Little old me writing about love and heart-break. 🙂

The Nameless

I loved, lost and learned.

Walked through fire,

And got burnt.

Tested the waters

And got caught in the waves.

I sought for myself

And a stranger I became.

A wolf in sheep’s clothing;

That’s what you were.

Your looks were deceiving,

Your games weren’t fair.

You looked for perfection,

But SHE wasn’t there,

This love was confusing,

A pain I couldn’t bare.

Like a wizards victim,

I was under your spell.

I followed your words,

And deep down I fell.

So many secrets,

That I can never tell.

I brought you my heart,

And you put me through hell.

You were my first,

Thought you’d be my last.

But let’s not wonder,

That’s all in the past.

Though I am free,

I’m still falling fast.

This love was small,

But its effects were vast.

Heart On My Sleeve

Dear Brother,

Words are not enough to express how much you annoy me. Even now, being separated by miles and miles, you have found ways to exasperate me. Mule headed, controlling, bossy. That’s what you are. But strangely enough these are things that I miss the most. It dawned on me that I may not get to see you for another year and a half, even longer depending on the circumstances and this very thought saddens me. You have been a constant in my life ever since I was born and it has been challenging adapting to a life without you. Don’t get me wrong. I’m glad that I got to have your room and the internet all to myself. However these trivial things are not what comforts me when I’m down. I miss you. I really do. Things have been hard lately and I know that it would have been a tinge easier with you around. I find myself doing the things that we would normally do together; the silly gestures, the random singing outbursts, the ridiculous laughs. It is honestly the little things that I miss the most.

Soon, very soon, I’ll be off on a new journey and would be starting an entirely new chapter of my life, which is great but I kind of wish you’d be there to see me off at the airport. It’s not that I want you to come home. I don’t. Really, stay where you are. I know you are happier out there and I hope that you one day get the chance to make that your home but it is simply unavoidable for little sisters to miss their big brothers.

Lots of Love,

Your Sister J

Today’s Ramblings

Ageless but older

than the prehistoric years.

Devised by men

but has existed long before then.

It mocks us,

by giving us the illusion of eternity,

when all we get is a fraction of the whole.

Fools we must be for believing

that we have complete control .

We are merely puppets within its endless play.

It selfishly rushes forward

while we wither away.

It’s almost laughable;

How tomorrow’s plans

may never leave today.

Tick tock goes the clock

There goes another day.

With every passing moment we blindly

Take one step closer to our graves.

Tick tock,

Can you carry its weight?

Do you hear the ticking?

Do you hear that chime?

Do you feel the skin thin?

Do you feel the presence of time?